Gap, PA – The new hires from Gap’s Urban Outfitters are having a team building experience today which includes a 5-on-5 basketball game. Mid-Atlantic sales rep and doughnut aficionado Billy Dombach is unsettled. He noticed that there were no pinnies laying around which, to his dismay, meant there was a 50% chance he’d be picked by the Skins team.
He knows he won’t be picked in the first 3 rounds, well, because he sucks at sports and the warehouse managers look totally buff, they’ll go first. But where will he fall after that? Shirts had first pick so Skins will have the last pick, and the thought of having to expose his hairy moobs to his new coworkers was quite traumatizing. Looking around at the balance of the talent pool he felt confident that he wouldn’t be the last pick overall – as that was probably going to be Ralph.
Ralph was from the I.T. department, wore coke-bottle glasses, has the ‘geek from gym class’ asthma and couldn’t catch. Thus, it was assumed he would go last and be shirtless with his pasty-white flesh exposed to the hot, Gapanese Sun.
Billy looked longingly into Bob “Bumpy” Burns’ fish-like eyes. Bumpy was the shirts Captain and an indigenous Gapanese with the trademark lumpy head and eyes really far apart like a walleye. Bumpy was hired as the new maintenance foreman, having previously being the maintenance manager at the Pizza Ox, so his resume was flawless.
Billy was running out of picks and options. So borrowing from late night TV, he slowly parted his lips and started licking them seductively, hoping to lure Bumpy into his web.
Caught off-guard and slightly aroused, Bumpy picked Billy for the Shirts team in the next to last round.
Whew. Another crisis averted. Well, that is until after practice and how to get away from Bumpy.