Landisville, PA – Every Memorial Day and Labor Day traffic in the town of Landisville, PA comes to a grinding halt. No there wasn’t a horrible accident or huge DUI checkpoint, the backup was due to the fact that nearly every residence in town has a yard sale.
“It’s maddening” says Lancaster resident Heidi Lahey. “Everyone is selling their old shit to the other people who in turn sell that same shit back to other people in the Fall. It is really just a shit-exchange. A few days prior you can smell the shit-stench in the air that a shitticane of yard sales is coming, and you know you need to take cover in your shit shelter.”
Well it is possible that this shitsperience is over because one inconvenienced motorist came up with a solution. “How much for everything? The shit, the junk, the yards, the whole town?” asked Onastatio Beaverhousen a wealthy mayfly breeder from Marietta.
The townsfolk quickly went into a frenzy and started placing different colored dots of everything in town. Red Dots equal $1, Blue equal $.50 and Yellow equals $.25. After a few basic calculations they came up with a total of $2394.84. Onastatio countered with $2000 flat which the town accepted.
Mr. Beaverhousen will officially take possession of the town on 6/1 and all residents will have to GTFO by 5/31.
When asked what she’s going to do with her $8 portion of the sale, longtime Landisville resident said, “I’m going to take this and retire in luxury in Columbia”.