Gap divers find over 300 dildos worth $3.75M

It’s been quite a summer for treasure hunting on the Sadsbury Coast.

On July 30 and 31 in the shallows off of Gap Lighthouse, Omar “Bum” Plugger, who is captain of the S/V Jennitals, and his crew recovered a cache of Faberge Dildos.

The dildos are known as Royal Reamers and valued at $125,000 apiece; these were specially made for the Russian Royal Family in the 1800s.

“People love dildo stories. It resonates with everybody — every demographic, young and old, rich and poor,” Plugger said.

dildo3How these came to be lost on the shoals of Gap is unknown.  Dildos like this rarely left  Russia at the time.  Experts believe that  the the dildos were stowed away in a German U-boat that was sunk off the coast in 1943.  After the German Invasion of Russia, many Russian treasures were plundered and smuggled out of the area on U-boats.  The Gap Lighthouse was a much-detested symbol of American Hope and Affluence.  And it was owned by a Jew during the war. It was naturally a target for German maritime shenanigans.

Plugger and his crew are ecstatic over the find.  He intends to keep several for himself and his crew.  He will donate the more majestic ones to Mister Fister Dildos for display in their new Lancaster manufacturing facility.  As for the remainder?  “I guess we’ll have to find a place for them, ” he says with a wink and a nod.