Local Outfitters Scale Back Planned Amish Hunt In Wake Of Cecil The Lion Killing

The recent killing in Africa of a famous lion has created a tidal wave of indignation and shame on social media.  That tidal wave has crashed upon the shores of the Gap Coast causing repercussions to a little known but lucrative underground business in Lancaster County.   Old Order Guides And Outfitters of Ronks has announced that they have cancelled their annual August Amish Hunt And Soul Harvest that was planned for next month.  The hunt, in it’s 15th year, affords the public  the opportunity to stalk and photograph unsuspecting Amish locals in order to rob them of their souls.  Once collected, the souls are sold to the Gap Lighthouse in order to fuel that beacon of hope that stands as a silent sentinel astride Gap Harbor.  The Amish, like Cecil, are wild killers whose majestic appeal overshadows their ruthless carnivorous appetite.  Not all locals are supportive of the cancellation.  According to lighthouse keeper Abner Hockenfoos, “Well I think it’s fucked.  How am I going to power the God damn lighthouse? With free lunchmeat.  I don’t thinks so.”