NEW YORK, NY – The Matt Lauer Accuser has been identified and we now know that it is Miss Piggy of Muppet fame.
“The Matt Lauer accuser is Miss Piggy.” said Gloria Allred who is representing Miss Piggy. “He harassed Piggy from 1998 until 2004. He showed her his genitals. He touched her inappropriately by reaching up under her skirts. And when she rejected his advances he called her ‘fat’ and said she smelled like bacon.”
Asked if Lauer and Miss Piggy ever dated or were intimate Allred reported, “They dated for a brief period in 1997 but Piggy broke up with Lauer on New Year’s Eve 1998.”
“If she was so traumatized by these consensual encounters, why did she agree to make an appearance and celebrate Lauer’s 10th Anniversary on The Today Show?” asked Lauer attorney, Arnie Yackowicz.
Allred quickly responded to Yackowicz’s claim that it was consensual, “It was never consensual. Her fling with Lauer was brief and she has been in a long term relationship with Kermit the Frog.
We reached out to Frog for comment on this who referred us to his spokesanimal, Fozzie Bear, who said, “I believe Miss Piggy. She loves Kermit and you know what they say, once you go green…”
Confused and rambling Bear could not expound on “once you go green.”
It is not yet determined at this time if Piggy will be suing Lauer for financial compensation.