Shark Attacks Escalating Along Gap Coast

GET OUT OF THE WATER! LEAVE THE BEACHES! GRAB YOUR WIFE & HIDE YOUR DAUGHTERS! THE GAP SHORE IS UNDER SIEGE.

The sharks are prowling the Gap Coast and Abner Hockenfoos is fighting mad! “This will not stand. Skidmark and I will have this resolved by the weekend.” Hockenfoos vowed.Gap Lighthouse fires first S.H.A.R.T interceptor missle to fend off attacks along Gap Coast.

“We’ve successfully test fired our S.H.A.R.T (Sea and Hellfire Ariel Random Target) interceptor missile, recently acquired from North Korean Yorkian immigrants. Skidmark has taken up arms. These sharks don’t know who they are messing with. We are going to send them to hell.” Reported Henry the Intern.

Skidmark will remain on 24 hour armed vigil along the beaches of Gap
Skidmark will remain on 24 hour armed vigil along the beaches of Gap