Three days of no Farm Animal Sexual Assault for East Earl

In what seems a miraculous occasion. The residents of East Earl have gone a record setting three days with out a reported sexual assault on a farm animal.

“This will be a tremendous savings to the tax payer, our fire company is called out at least three times a day to separate someone from a sheep because they got in over their head” said Terre Hill Fire Co. volunteer Scott Rice.

“The last time we’ve gone this long with out anyone raping a farm animal, the Continental Army were in charge of dealing with this stuff,” said East Earl Constable Jeff Copeland, ” of course basheep-huggerck then it was more socially acceptable, still frowned upon, but acceptable”

Of course most famous was incident was in the August of 1974 when Todd Stoltzfus stole and raped over 70 sheep in one night. We tried to reach out to Todd for comment, but was unavailable to talk to the press due to the terms of his parole.

The local residents credit the East Earl Lighthouse Association for their work in the community to bring awareness to this plight of animal abuse.

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