(Gap, PA) – Executives at the Urban Outfitters warehouse, located in Gap, PA, have sent a company-wide email to employees that would ask all people to work for free on Saturdays and Sundays throughout the remainder of the year.
“It builds character and it will really help them move up the corporate ladder”, one executive stated in an email to POL. “Nothing fosters trust like an employee that is willing to be taken advantage of to the extent that we are proposing. It should be noted that all employees will be wearing digital tracking devices during the weekend hours and we will require an company physician to ‘check their oil’ on a daily basis. This way we can gauge each worker’s ability to take it up the ass, year in and year out.”
In addition to the “Wage Free” signs to be posted on weekend shifts, the mandatory tracking devices and daily oil checks, each employee will be required to sign a waiver that explicitly states that “failure to work wage free on weekends will result in deportation by cargo ship to a developing country, to assist in “wage free” community service, in perpetuity”.
Any employee that completes the program will receive the “Sir Frances Drake Achievement of Excellence” certificate and a complimentary Eagle Statuette which is sculpted from scrap metal, respect of their peers, dignity and any hopes of a living wage.