BREAKING NEWS Former NBC Host Seeks Asylum In Micro-Nation Of Gap

New York/Gap – Long time NBC Host Matt Lauer’s employment was terminated this morning by NBC Comcast Universal Olive-Loaf Mega corporation under accusations of sexual harassment.

Mr. Lauer has visited the Gap Coast frequently over the past ten years while doing his “Where in the World is Matt Lauer?” segment, and recently purchased a “tiny home”, aka trailer, just inside the micro-nation of Gap.

According to the Gap Constitution, first written in 1633, an asylum seeker must prove that he or she has a well-founded fear of persecution based on one or more of five grounds:

  1. Ownership of a crock pot.
  2. Weight under 100 lbs or over 300 lbs.
  3. Unique Sexual Perversions.
  4. Membership in a particular social group (Olive Loaf haters immediately qualify)
  5. Political opinions involving goats.
Pro-vert Manny Kanblo of Cochranville

The final decision is up to the Lighthouse Keeper, Abner Hockenfoos who is expected to grant asylum. Just this morning Keeper Hockenfoos¬† promoted long time Lighthouse Bulb Technician, Manny Kanblow of Cochranville,¬† from Pre-Vert to Pro-Vert for his “years of continued sexual harassment excellence.”