City of Lancaster Publishes Simple, 523 Page Guide to New Recycling Rules

Lancaster, PA – The City of Lancaster today published a new, simple, 523 page guide to the new recycling rules, which were first announced back in July. The new rules, due in part to stricter Chinese importing regulations and in part due to Gubernatorial candidate and President of Penn Waste Scott Wagner’s desires to create a global trash empire, have lead to confusion among the City’s 60,000 trash customers.

After fielding thousands of calls and emails, which placed City Hall’s phone system on LOCKDOWN, Public Works Director Charlotte Katzenmoyer authorized the publication to help customers more easily navigate the new recycling rules.

“We had reports of polystyrene¬†(PS #6) in recycling bins all over the city! Any idiot with even a rudimentary understanding of polymers should know the difference between polypropylene 5 and polystyrene 6!” said Katzenmoyer, holding volume four of the five volume recycling guide in her hands. “This ain’t rocket science!”

Among the highlights of the guide are the easy 42 step method for cleaning and properly preparing of ketchup bottles for recycling, and a handy 36 page overview entitled “Simple Method for Identifying Plastic Compounds Using a Burn Test” where the only tools a resident needs are a blue flamed Bunsen burner and a grid comparing odor, color, drips and speed of burning to determine if the plastic is recyclable.

Katzenmoyer, burning a small piece of plastic with a lighter in her office continued, “Ok, I’m smelling rancid butter, so it must be Acetate Butyrate, which is NOT recyclable curbside! It’s really that easy.”

The guide also contains a 192 page directory of disposal places within a 500 mile radius that will take those materials that can’t be recycled curbside; for example, say you have a 1024-word memory board from an old Altair 8800 computer sitting in your basement that you want to get rid of. You need only travel a mere 228 miles to the recycling center in the town of Naugatuck, Connecticut to take advantage of their free recycling program for old computer parts.

City residents may pick up the guide at City Hall or at the Treasurer’s office in the police station. Any questions on what’s recyclable should be forwarded to the Program in Polymers and Soft Matter at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.