City to Offer Pop-up Sybian Park

The Mayor’s Office of Special Events has announced an exciting addition to the August First Friday celebration in downtown Lancaster. In honor of the opening of the new Mister Fister Dildo factory in Greenfield, a pop-up Sybian park will take over the first block of S. Water St. at the August 7th event.

Pop-up parks are all the rage and frankly, all these GMOs, glyphosates, and skinny jeans are giving younger and younger men performance problems; we believe that the Sybian park will be a very popular event for the City of Lancaster,” said Mayor Rick Gray on Thursday.

The mayor added that the money to bring the Sybian park to Lancaster will come from the Police Selective Enforcement Unit, responsible for a record number of prostitution stings over the last year, and Prince Street adult novelty shop, The Den. Asked by a LNP reporter what a Sybian was, the Mayor said “It’s kind of like a mechanical bull except you won’t want to get off, but actually, you do get off.”

Five minutes after the mayor’s announcement, The American Quilters Association, in a surprise move, changed the date of their annual convention from January to the first week in August.

The pop-up park will run from 5PM to 9PM on Friday August 7th; South Water St. will be closed to traffic from King to Vine. Rides are only $8 ($7 with coupon in Sunday’s LNP) for five minutes, so come early and often.