Cowboy Monkey Enters Rehab

Life on the road can be dangerous for rock stars and performers alike. Late nights, smoky bars, back alleys, and VIP lounges can make even the strongest men weak. As it turns out, primates are not excluded in fighting these demons.

Cowboy monkey, who is expected to perform in York in August, has entered the Betty Ford Clinic for cocaine addiction and alcohol abuse. His wranglers have been concerned about his behavior for months, but when they tried to intervene he ravenously threw feces at them in a fit of rage.

images (1)One of his handlers pinpointed the inception of the problem; “the pressure to perform every night was grueling, but he pushed through it. One night while he was lassoing and gripping his canine steed, he pulled a muscle in his back. The vet gave him painkillers and muscle relaxers to loosen him up. His back started to feel better with time, but the pills didn’t stop. Then he was crushing and snorting them. Eventually that wasn’t enough for him, and he started to score cocaine on the road. One night we went to do a show and he still had powder and blood dripping from his nostril. It was a mess. He was drunk all the time, too. He vomited on a child in a corn-field ball game in Idaho, and that’s when he realized he needed help.”

It is unknown when Cowboy Monkey will be back on the road while he focuses on getting healthy. His understudy, a feral cat named Mr. Whiskers, will be tied to a border collie and take his place. Mr. Whiskers is best known for his Roomba-riding shark videos which received over 5 million hits on You Tube.