As the Internet continues to mourn the demise of beloved hitchhiking robot, hitchBOT, the question now is who did it?
The world now has an answer as surveillance footage has surfaced showing an unidentified man in what appears to be an Eagles jersey, destroying the robot on a street in Philadelphia using a ‘Vote Trump’ campaign sign.
After reaching out to the Trump campaign we were shocked by the personal reply we received from The Donald himself.
“I did it. I didn’t wield the sign myself. I would have if I had the time. I ordered his destruction.We will not stand for these Canadians coming to America seeking a free ride”, says Trump
“That robot was no hero. I’m a hero. Personally I like rich American robots. Not poor Canadian robots looking for a free ride. Canada did not send us their best.”
The Philadelphia police department tells POL that there will be no investigation into the matter as the robot’s owners have not filed a report.
Donald Trump replied, “You’re damn right there won’t be an investigation. I could buy and sell the Philadelphia PD.”
Planned Parenthood has obtained the remaining pieces of the forlorn robot. They plan an auction of the dismembered pieces to fund Trump’s election campaign and research into home vaginal vacuum devices.