Early Migration of Trash Panda Spells Winter Woes for Lancaster

The North Eastern Trash Panda, indigenous to this area, known for utilizing trash cans and dumpsters for sustenance, have begun their migration to the south a whole month early this year. The old saying goes that the earlier the migration, the worse the winter will be. Trash Panda Scientists are

Derp and Derp Storm Team
Derp and Derp Storm Team

already claiming that this winter has record-breaking snowfall in store for us. The Derp and Derp Storm Team out of Red Lion, PA is already clanging pots and pans together out in the middle of the street to freak people out over the impending doom of frozen water falling from the sky.

“We done gone get at least 100 foot of snow!!!!!” Said Jim-Jack-Joe-Bob, head of the Derp and Derp Storm Team. “This be the end times for sure! Them god dern Trash Pandas is pickin up and leaving right now!”

Trash Pandas migrate from PA to South Carolina and as far as Florida to party and drink during the winter months.

The last few years Central PA has seen some mild winters compared to years before. Penn Dot Claims that they will be ready this year, which would be a record-breaking 1 year streak for them.

“This year we’ll be ready for the snow, by not treating the roads ahead of time, and waiting until all the snow has fallen to even do anything about it, this will effectively make the snow impossible to remove as it will be completely compacted down by commuters and we’ll top it off by throwing our hands up and blaming the lack of funding. This plan hasn’t worked yet, but we’re sure it will work this year” Said the Penn Dot Press Release published early yesterday.