The Green Dragon, Ephrata’s premiere destination for tube socks and Confederate flags, has
adding a controversial, new product to its stands. Patrons of the popular flea market will soon be able to
purchase small baggies of “Green Dragon Brand Heroin” at participating merchants. Of course the
product is all supposed to be in good fun. In the tradition of candy cigarettes, “Green Dragon Brand
Heroin” is nothing more that mashed up lemon Pixy Stix.
When asked about the questionable appropriateness of such a product, Green Dragon facilities
manager, Elmer Landis did not seem particularly concerned.
“We wanted to create a product that best reflected our exotic, vaguely Asian name-brand. ‘Green
Dragon’ sounds very similar to a lot of other street terms for heroin already out there like China
White, Mexican Horse, and Brown Sugar. We just want to give the consumer a few laughs and
make a couple bucks at the same time. What’s so wrong with that? It is a lot safer than those pot brownies for sale at the farm show. Besides, people buy that Breaking Bad blue meth rock candy by the pound. It is time for Central Pennsylvania to get a slice of the novelty candy drug market.”
Landis stated that “Green Dragon” will also be on the shelves of Yoder’s Family Markets starting in 2017.