Harrisburg establishes May as Fish Cancer Awareness Month

Last week the public went completely bat-shit over a Small Mouth Bass that was caught in the Susquehanna River with a cancerous tumor on it’s jaw. Game and Wildlife officials went on record to say, “These occurrences are pretty rare, and one fish out of an entire population pretty much qualifies as rare, but that’s not going to stop the public from completely flipping out and spouting off unwarranted garbage about how this means the water is in bad shape”

As predicted thousands of dipshits took to facebook, and got out their pretend biology degrees  and blamed everything from chem trails to get-item-image-dynamic.plnuclear waste to “big pharma”.

Harrisburg City Spokesman Charlie Smellischitz said “Everyone knows the only way to cure a disease is by making everyone aware of it first, that includes trendy rubber bracelets, car magnet ribbons etc; actual research comes way later, we don’t need getting those researchers involved with this, right now we need public panic and moral high-ground grabbing.