Homosexual Cow Fed to Solanco Students

Don Reinhold instructed one of his workers at the Quarryville Meatery to put down a cow for displaying “gay tendencies.” The cow, however, was inadvertently slaughtered; and by the time Reinhold noticed, the cow’s meat was already being consumed by students at Solanco Middle School during their Summer Orientation Program.

Soon after the cow was acquired by Reinhold, he began to notice she was “getting a little cozy” with other female cows; and would “lick them inappropriately.” Last week, he told one of his staff to put her down later that day, but the employee¬†misunderstood and had her slaughtered immediately. Her meat was then packaged with the order that went to Solanco Middle School and was used in their Taco Boat and Meat Sauce Spaghetti menu items.

“I feel horrible,” said Reinhold. “That order is on the house, obviously, and I will make sure nothing like this ever happens again.”

Parents aren’t letting Reinhold off the hook so easily.

“This is just insane, this whole thing,” said the parent of one student, who wished to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of his son. “I do everything I can as a parent to protect my children, and then these people feed him gay meat. This is a public school, so I’m not expecting our government to do anything about it.”

sikThe school will be holding a public forum Wednesday evening to discuss concerns and what steps parents should take next. Litigation is considered to be imminent.

“God, I hope not,” said Reinhold. “I respect my community, and I would never intentionally do anything like this to children.”

Solanco Middle School is bringing in a few outside counselors and therapists for any students who need to talk about this incident. They will be available at the start of the school year.