Kunzler Factory Shut Down Due to Nationwide Pig Asshole Shortage

In a sad turn of events, it was announced today that local Lancaster business, Kunzler Meats was forced to temporarily shut down its factory. Plant supervisor and hot dog heir, Kenny Kunzler III told POL that one of the primary ingredients in all of their product, pork rectums, has been impossible to acquire.

The Flavor Saver

“It seems that another strain of swine flu has swept the nation. One of its major symptoms being severe, explosive, chronic diarrhea. These poor little piggies get sick, and drop a deuce like its nobody’s business. All those Hershey squirts put a strain on the animal’s excretory system, until it is no longer fit for human consumption.”

Kunzler explained that alternative ingredients were considered.

“We tried bull scrotum, chicken beaks, and even buffalo tongue…yet nothing compared to that smokey, meaty aroma of pork rectum. At Kunzler, we are committed to providing the public with the best hot dogs that ninety-nine cent can buy. As soon as sufficient product is available, we will re-open for business. Nothing makes us happier than sticking our wieners in your mouth.”