Lack of Marietta Fireworks Prompts State Of Emergency

After years of suffering, Marietta residents have finally garnered the attention of Governor Tom Wolf, who issued a state of emergency early this morning.


“These people are stranded in a town with no fireworks,” said Wolf, “and we were recently able to adjust the budget to deal with those affected.”


Residents have been without fireworks for a few years, and weren’t sure if help would ever come. Although the state will not provide fireworks, themselves, they will open shelters and deploy the national guard to help citizens who are struggling to rebuild their lives.


“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt whole,” said Darryl Brightman, Marietta resident. “With time we’ll heal. This is a start.”


Another resident, James Culver, was disappointed with how long it took for help to arrive.


“Governor Wolf doesn’t care about fireworks-people.”