Lancaster County Cluelessness Rate Rises To All Time High

Lancaster, PA – As if Lancaster’s burgeoning unemployment rate, now at a whopping 4.4%, is troublesome enough, many County residents would be shocked to learn that the County’s Cluelessness Rate is now at an all time high of 78%.  

Unfortunately, few people know this because the majority lack any clue regarding their cluelessness.  

“It’s the ultimate irony,” says Darwin Blomee (pronounced blo-MAY), professor of Online Cultural Anthropology at Franklin and Marshall.  “We study a lot of clueless populations in this country and the biggest commonality is they have no idea how little they know.  Despite their unlimited access to information, these populations have no idea what is fact, what is fiction, what is real news and what is fake news.  Their inability to differentiate is breathtaking.”  

The County has taken steps to combat this.  Recently Mayor Gray has formed yet another Clueless task force to tackle the problem.  Furthermore, the County is funding a Clueless Shelter at the Water Street Rescue Mission to aid in community Outreach.  Still, the study into this phenomena is ongoing.

“We are not yet ready to say this problem is solely due to the person’s lack of basic knowledge on the issues.  We’ve found that the average Lancastrian’s inability to articulate even the most basic thought plays a crucial factor in it.  Of course when you marry the lack of a reliable news source, the inability to discern fact from fiction and inherent prejudices with the absence of the most basic  composition skills, you get this tsunami of ignorance…exemplified in the oft quoted line on local message board: ‘I seen it on POL.”