Lancaster Drivers Puzzled by Mysterious Lines on Streets, in Parking Garages

Lancaster Drivers have expressed befuddlement over mysterious lines that – according to residents we interviewed – have “suddenly appeared” on city streets and in parking garages.

After repeated calls to the POL news hotline, several reporters were dispatched around the city to locate these lines. Upon closer inspection, they were revealed to be lines indicating parking spaces. While no official records could be located, it is commonly believed that parking spots in Lancaster have been in place since at least the 1950s. And, according to city records, all parking garages are built with parking lines painted on the floors before opening.

“That’s ridiculous,” Anna Fender exclaimed when it was explained to her that the lines that had “appeared” on King Street were, in fact, painted lines that had been in existence for a number of years. “Those were NOT there a few minutes ago. I have NEVER seen those! They must have showed up when the… Um… Snow melted?”

Another driver questioned their purpose. “What, we’re just supposed to park BETWEEN them? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of,” said Dusty Rhodes of Ephrata. “Listen, when I come to the city to sell… things… I don’t have time to fiddle-faddle over where the MAN says I’m supposed to park! This is still a free country, right?” Rhodes claimed he had more to say, but a long line of people purchasing small paper bags from him interrupted his tirade.

Susan Bloates of Water Street railed against the lines painted in the King Street parking Garage. “I am PAYING for the right to park here! They can’t just tell me where to park!” When this reporter pointed out that she had, in fact, parked her car literally on top of another car, Bloates stated, “I didn’t see them!” before running away.

A parking enforcement officer was spotted on East King Street during this investigation. When questioned as to the rules surrounding the lines on the parking spaces, the officer claimed not to speak English, then proceeded to taze this reporter before stealing his wallet.