Lititz Named Coolest Small Town To Get Poisoned By Lead

Lititz is once again one of the Coolest Small Towns In America, this time being recognized for their high levels of lead in their drinking water.

“We started seeing Flint getting all kinds of press about their water and we said ‘Hey, we’re way cooler than Flint and our water really sucks’, so we decided to do something about it” stated long-time Lititz douchebag Stan Hanjobbi.

This Friday will be the official ceremony with many dignitaries including PA Pennsylvania Surgeon General Rachel Levine. While in town Dr. Levine will also be attending a ribbon cutting ceremony celebrating the newly refurbished ladies room at the Target.