Local Puerto Rican Man Dreads Upcoming Cinco de Mayo

Barnstormers field crew member, Jorge Morales reports that will call off from work on the fifth of May, for the seventh year in a row. Mr. Morales, of Puerto Rican descent, states that he can no longer cope with his co-workers half-assed attempts to help him celebrate “his special day”.

Morales explains that for many years, co-workers would bring in a comically large sombrero and take turns having their picture taken wearing it. They also brought in a Sponge-Bob pinata and beat the crap out of it while Cheech and Chong movies played on the company VCR. After work, everyone would go to Applebee’s and drink Coronas.

“They’d get super offended if I didn’t join them on ‘my special day’. Someone said is was “Saint Patrick’s Day for the brown people, so come have a cerveza with us!” Meanwhile, I don’t usually even drink beer, and if I did, it wouldn’t be that watered-down piss.”

Morales patiently explained to his colleagues dozens of times that he was not Mexican, but rather Puerto Rican. He told them that he was an American citizen just like the rest of them, This was always met with giggles and exaggerated winks.

“Riiiiiight”, they’d say, “Don’t worry man, we got your back. Everyone here knows what to say if immigration comes knocking.”

“Fuck that shit,” said Morales, “You can’t fix stupid.”