Movie Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen 4/4/15

One of the perks of being the 2nd Assistant Lighthouse keeper is that you get sent free movie screener DVDs. However movies today are so predictable and the protecting the rocky Gap Coastline is so time consuming that it is easier to review them without watching them. So here are a few reviews of movies on the big screen currently.

  • Get Hard starring Will Ferrell and Chris Tucker. Or… is it that other short black guy that screams a lot? Oh, Kevin Hart. Sorry, my bad.  Not sure but it really doesn’t matter. The title is misleading as there are no boners on camera whatsoever. If you like Will Ferrell or Kevin Hart I’ll give this 3 out of 5 stabbings. If you aren’t a huge fan of Will or Kevin it gets 1 out of 5 stabbings.Recommendation: Wait for Netflix
  • cinderellaCinderella (2015) starring a few people you’ve never heard of unless you watch Downton Abbey. The story is exactly what you’d expect: Hot piece of ass and all around nice girl gets treated like shit by her step-family, bitch loses her shoe and lives happily ever after. If you don’t have young daughters there really is no reason to get suckered into seeing this in the theater. ABC/Disney owns 1/2 of everything in the world so you’ll be forced to watch it at some point so no point in driving to the theater. Recommendation: Wait for it to be on ABC for free.

More movie reviews to come, but right now I have to get back to Kinzers for oiled prostitute wrasslin’ at the Station.