American Gun Owners Thank God For Stupid Pokemon Go! Game

After a growing number of accidents and deaths caused by people playing the new Pokemon Go! handheld video game has many local governments seeking to ban its play in public areas. “This game is causing untold numbers of accidents and even deaths, it needs to be banned” stated the Hon. Mayor Richard Gray of Lancaster, PA who is a leader in the Anti-Pokemon movement.

Gun rights advocate and Lighthouse Keeper Abner Hockenfoos told our reporters, “We’ve been saying this for years about guns but nobody listens. They believe that the guns magically go out and hurt people on their own, now they are using the same logic for Pokemon. Ban Guns, Ban Pokemon, Ban 32 oz. sodas. When is it going to stop? People need to be accountable for their actions, not the inanimate objects” and when asked about if the Government would come for his Pokemons he said, “They can have my Pokemons when they pry them from my cold, dead hand.”

“The game isn’t hurting anyone. Games don’t kill people, People kill People. How can you blame the game on people’s stupidity, and carelessness?” National Pokemon Association (NPA) President Pierre LaWayne told POL.

A group of Open-Pokemon activists are planning a rally in Binns Park on Saturday and expecting to draw a crowd of over 5000 protesters. Local organizer Henery the Intern told POL, “We need to show Mayor Gray that we won’t stand for this Nanny-State business. Plus, there are come cool ass Pidgeys and Dobersigoatz near The Hotel Lancaster”