Off the Beaten Path : Local Artisan Fireworks

Lancaster County will be booming this weekend, with nearly every town putting on a massive firework display. These big-budget productions are costly, excessive, and in a lot of cases, nothing more than a nuisance to residents who still appreciate the craftsmanship behind homemade, artisan light shows.

By checking out the following three options, you’ll be able to break free from the bland, over-produced fireworks; and have an experience you’ll be able to relentlessly share with all of your friends.


DOWNTOWN LANCASTER

lancIn an alley between two other alleys is a courtyard accessible only by breaking a window. Inside, you’ll find an amazing four-course meal made only from vegetables grown in the sewers under the city. After dinner, you will be served a palate cleanser consisting of juiced tiger lily flowers and goat piss. Finally, to end the evening, everyone gets a sparkler and will form a circle. The lights reflecting off of all the thick-framed glasses should be enchanting.

RHEEMS

fireworks-nerd-carefulladiesAt approximately 9:45pm, 13 year-old Dylan Rouse’s parents will be leaving for the evening, entrusting him without a babysitter for the first time. Dylan will then be putting on a show you’ll be sure to remember; as he and his friends will shoot bottle rockets at passing traffic on Colebrook Road. Drive through this peaceful farmland around 10:15 to guarantee a glimpse at this youthful, raw display.

DRUMORE 

drumorA show is not scheduled at the Drumore Trailer Park, however, it has been reported that Dean Bobbins and his family will be tapping into their home’s propane tank in order to deep fry a whole pig a few feet away. While driving to this location could prove uneventful, I wouldn’t want to be the one who doesn’t show up if something happens.