Quarryville to Host Colorless Fourth of July Firework Display

Organizers Calling Celebration “Honoring of True American, Heterosexual Values”

bwtwBy Jimmy Scoops – In the wake of the Supreme Court ruling in support of same-sex marriage, organizers of a Fourth of July fireworks event in Quarryville, Lancaster County today stated that they will be removing all colors from their fireworks.

“So as to not confuse spectators in thinking our display is in support of gay marriage, we are requesting only white fireworks from our suppliers,” stated Marc Squareman, head organizer of the event. “We want families to feel comfortable at this event, and want it to reflect the traditional values our community holds dear. In no way do we want our patriotic celebration of America to contain the rainbow colors which have sadly been appropriated by the homosexual movement and their agenda.”

Families can still expect to see a brilliant light show, however. “It’s going to be as big of a display as this borough has ever had,” Squareman said. “In support of the Second Amendment, law-abiding Quarryville residents over the age of 18, 21 for handguns, are being encouraged to bring their own legally-owned firearms to the event. People can add their own ‘booms’ before, during, or after the fireworks display. It’s going to be a real good time!”

Music will accompany the fireworks display, and Squareman stressed that it will all be family-friendly. “We’ll have some Ted Nugent, probably some classic tunes by groups like Alabama, and some Skynyrd of course,” Squareman said. “Of course, like we always do, we’ll end the show with ‘Dixie.’”