Rehobeth Shark Attack Baffles Experts

In what many are classifying as a first, researches are trying to determine if a recent shark attack in Rehobeth has been motivated by hate.  On July 1, a shark attacked a surfer off Poodle Beach in Rehobeth.  The surfer, Bruce R. Bruce of Piscataway, NJ was floating in 4′ of water when he was saw a red dorsal fin approaching him.  Bruce, a slimly built but elegant 31 year old gay man,  looked closer and he saw that the red fin was indeed a tattoo of a Confederate flag.  Unable to react in time, the shark rammed him repeatedly, eventually biting him in the forearm.  Bruce’s loud piercing screech and wicked sarcasm seems to have startled the shark and the attack was over as quickly as it began.  The shark, believed to be a rare Georgia Red Neck Shark, is normally not one to migrate this far north.  Experts opine that it was attracted by the unusually warm and gay waters off the coast of this Delaware resort town.  According to marine biologist Nathan Bedford Forrest, IV:  “While the name may suggest hateful tendencies, the shark does have a red-tinted neck, hence the name.  We’ve no prior reports of it attacking gays in Georgia, but frankly, Georgia doesn’t have what you would call a gay beach.  We think this is akin to a marine hate crime.  We need to review the data some more.”