Thomas the Tank Engine Kidnapped

Photo of Thomas the Tank Engine blindfolded and being carted away

Strasburg Railroad Police are asking the public for assistance locating Thomas the Tank Engine after a presumed abduction early Wednesday morning. The SRP officers were made aware of his absence when neither of the goats provided for his breakfast were eaten. Surveillance cameras at the Gap Lighthouse Supply Shed captured the following photo around 10 am on Wednesday, but Thomas is no longer believed to be in the Greater Gap metropolitan area.

 The Railroad Police declined to comment further, but an unnamed source within Gap Lighthouse Security services claimed that the abductors are known frequenters of the Kinzer whorehouses. 

While no official statement on suspects or motives has been released at this time several persons of interest have been detained for questioning, including Joe Pitts, Sir Toppem Hat, and Michael Jordan’s old bookie.

The public is reminded that Thomas is not to be approached without his handlers, and if sighted please contact the Strasburg Railroad Police.

Thomas’s latest tour was meant to act as a comeback of sorts after he and R Kelly were caught on video with two underage handcarts out back of the Middletown Train Station.