Walmart Reveals Stab-proof Pajamas for Lancaster City Residents

Wal-Mart unveiled its new line of Chainmail Pajamas today that will be sold at their Lincoln Highway Location. The new steel-ring pajamas will help prevent stabbings for the pajama clad folk of Lancaster City.

“We think this is a great step forward”, Said Lancaster Mayor Rick Gray “Frankly, we’re getting sick and tired of having to power wash the blood off of the sidewalks.”

A Norse woman ready to walk the streets of Lancaster
A Norse woman ready to walk the streets of Lancaster

Lancaster City kicked off its season of stabbing earlier this month and have proven to be a festive all-time high, with the latest being this morning on N. Queen Street. Some protesters have asked for No Knife Zones to be established in parts of Lancaster City to help prevent stabbings.

“If we post “No Knife Zones” around the city, criminals will have to turn around and take their knives home and come back, and no one wants to have to make the trip.” Said Kathy Grimes of East Chestnut Street.

Wal-Mart says the pajama collection should be released by the end of October.